Tags: hell's kitchen

Devil, incubus, gentleman, martini, scoundrel

Sinfully Devilicious...


Famous Dave's Devil's Spit Barbecue Sauce

I was pleased to possess this most savory, spicy sauce recently, to complement the flavor of various meats to enjoy for this seasonal indulgence.

Amusingly designated XXX & for adolts only, alluringly implores to venture further, & of course, just about anything with a devil thereupon as far as confections are concerned, means it will pack a powerful impression upon the gustatory sense, as well as others in kind. And this certainly does not disappoint. Also whereupon small tender lumplings accompany the thick sanguinous liquid.

Now, anointing some of this unholy so-called "devil's spit" while slowly roasting chosen flesh upon the hellfire within one's veritable Devil's Pit will also result in a dark bloody red coloration, courtesy of the health-inducing witch herb turmeric. And the hearty mascot is perfectly chosen as well! A pleasureful creature sure to make a communal feast for a beast!

Originating from an actual establishment with restaurants nationwide, it is a worthy addition to one's own Hellmouth Kitchen.


Devil, incubus, gentleman, martini, scoundrel



A previously unexperienced confection, a veritable virginal snackrifice unto Pazuzu {the other type}, from The Addams Family foodshoppe has been presented upon the Altar of Fete Diaboli... and has proven a worthy offering unto The Hellmouth. An Arabic maiden by the name of Muhammara*, literally translating to "something red", and it suits her well. Indigenous to Iraq, Syria and Turkey, with a first appearance in Syria.**

Essentially a hot pepper dip, she is comprised of, among other devilicious delights... Red peppers, walnuts, breadcrumbs, lemon juice, pomegranate molasses, red chili paste, salt, olive oil, & cumin, ideal for dipping everything from potatoe & tortilla chips, french fries, in sandwitches, perhaps even mixed with cheese, or guacamole or even guacamame. Overall, it really grants the impression of a great bean dip.

* {'Mara', eq. T'an Mo}.
** Sounds like perhaps one of Mohammed's first wives, or perhaps sister, daughter?

Devil, incubus, gentleman, martini, scoundrel

Gothic Steak

[Click to turn on light]

Tonight on Drac's Hellmouth Diner, we feature "Gothic Steak", which what appears to be either worms or edrozebas squirming on top, with a side of Spanish rice, Potatoe salad and Coleslaw. The black sauce that was basted onto beef steak, and submerged within, consists of Korean BBQ Bulgogi topped with caramelized onions, and it is deviliciously scrumptious.

Of course, Satanic Grace was said beforehand, consecrating the meal unto Satan, by The Hellements blessed. The Fete Diaboli rite concluded with the Signum Pentaculum, infernal recognition, and...

Feast of The Beast

Devil, incubus, gentleman, martini, scoundrel

Pie of The Beast



Trick or Treat for Friday the 13th!

In a fortuitous bout of happenstance did I notice these much enjoyed confections demonstrating The Number of The Beast after they were possessed ON Friday the 13th, no less! Which was nine days ago previous to this missive.

McDonald’s used to carry such desserts very similar to these, served warm with lava-like entrails until changing the preferable previous formula to the current smaller and drier version*, but one can still fortunately acquire these at the local market courtesy of "Mrs. Redd".

Mrs. Redd’s appearance is obviously based on Lucille Ball, but could very well be a “Mrs. Satan” for that nomenclature, and with an appropriate Double D at that! It has also been postulated that this could quite possibly be Wendy’s mother as well. After all, Redheads sure are tasty.

Proceeding in the Sinister Current & continuously unfolding Diabolical Machinations, consider this yet another infernal confirmation that all is well in Hell and The Devil’s work is left on track.


* Seems that their other food products have also suffered a decrease in quality and size, like Big Macs & Quarter-Pounders, which have become considerably smaller, and favorable items removed like the McRib for instance, which was a hearty option. Not to mention the establishment itself was constructed like a veritable wonderland total environment, all headed by the charming Cannibal Clown.

P.S.: Among other confections, also possessed that day were Batman & Superman cereals, Star Wars {Darth Vader} Spaghettios, & devilicious Deviled Ham.



As a contrast to Batman cereal, I decided to grant this confection an inspection, plus, I rather favor caramel wherever found as well. I did go through a Superman phase inspired by the Christopher Reed film, which remains the most balanced depiction in My estimation, then later realized the Nietzschean correlations from whence he was inspired* in the Übermensch {see Thus Spake Zarathustra; ibid}, which made the comic legend a bit more interesting. For its philosophical origins, that "⚡" could very well stand for "⚡atan", in that select sense, despite subsequent presentations asserting the altruistic "hope" in Kryptonian, not to mention the sigil being shaped in the form of a pentagon, perfectly framing the pentagram.

As for the cereal, the caramel actually complements the chocoberry quite well, and there are a set of 7 simple multiple choice questions on the reverse side, while Batman's demonstrate factoids.

* "I want to teach men the sense of their existence, which is the superman, the lightning out of the dark cloud man." - Friedrich Nietzche.

Devil, incubus, gentleman, martini, scoundrel



Interestingly enough, I do have this odd penchant for sampling certain unusual foods from time to time, like cactus, or "nopalitos". I'm sure it wouldn't even occur to most people that cacti are indeed edible, and delicious when prepared in the correct manner. Uncle Fester sure enjoys it as one of his favorite treats, and has been seen munching away on a full raw cactus leaf from time to time. I have also tried cactus candy for the sweet version of this confection, which certainly is an acquired taste.

The Tears of La Llorona

There are two primary brands which produce this wonderfully odd treat: La Costeña* & Doña Maria. When I think of those names, the first impression that comes to mind is the morbid legend of "La Llorona" {'The Crying Lady', or 'The Weeping Woman', a Spanish legend imported to New Spain}, a banshee-like specter endlessly searching for her drowned babies that she herself killed, and is apparently doomed to roam the earth searching for them in her own Hell. Appropriately themed to this cultural confection, a resident boogiewoman swamp witch type used to scare children into behaving and not staying out too late, otherwise she will kidnap them, probably taking them down into the river, bog, lake, etc. into a watery grave. Could these be the tears of The Crying Lady? In any case, it is mused that these are "las lagrimas de La Llorona"; or maybe even the saliva of El Chupacabra?


They are presented pickled & cut long like string beans, and can go in just about anything, accenting everything from salads to nachos, casseroles, or just by themselves. I personally also refer to them as "edrozebas", after an ingredient in Elvira's Great Aunt Morgana's "recipe book" {Spellbook}. They are preserved in a sort of a salty slimy brine resembling saliva, along with chopped onions and a green chili floating around in there.

According to preference, Doña Maria's perky nopales are a bit more taught with the slight hint of a crunch, while La Costeña's has a more mushy countenance, yet both are delicious. ∞

* 'Coastal' [fem.]

Draconis Blackthorne, shadowgram, Dracomet

Cheetos Bag of Bones


Had the pleasure of enjoying these for the inauguration of the Falloween season recently, and can attest that they are acceptable snackrifices.

A bit airy and heavily covered in a white cheese powder, the shapes are presented as rib cages, femurs, hands, and skulls, which places the fun in funeral as one assembles imaginative combinations from two-headed Siamese twins to Yorik, gargoyle {additional implements depending upon the meal - for instance, chopsticks or corn dog sticks make for ideal staffs, swords, spears, or even wings, horns; or a Vitruvian man; perhaps multiple arms and legs, or a Thai Kayan lady. ∞

Cheetos Bag of BonesYorikSkull BaphometVitruvian ManDeath erectionAngel LustThai neckGeminiCheesus

Devil, incubus, gentleman, martini, scoundrel

JIF Peanut Butter cereal


Whether soaking in milk for breakfast or alone as a snackrifice, perhaps as part of a combination {berries, bananas, raisins, etc.}, this cereal is quite delicious, and also happens to accompany ice cream well. For those who appreciate peanut butter, on sand witches or as buttercups, this is well pleasing. They are in the shape of hardware nuts, so whether or not that is an inside joke is outstanding.

Though monster cereals are preferred, and perhaps one may be created with this favored flavor, it serves well to enjoy until those are available again. Come to think of it, there is no as of yet peanut butter flavored monster cereal, or character to go along with it. I propose either a mad scientist {"nuts"}, Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde {maybe peanut butter/chocolate combination}, King Kong {apes love peanuts as well as bananas}, or even a Devil...

There's a recipe for peanut butter balls on the back as well as a maze in the shape of a peanut, if just to trace about during an early meal, or any time of day or night. ∞


Tombstone [DIABLO] Pizza


Tombstone [DIABLO] Pizza

Tombstone Limited Edition [DIABLO] Pizza
Spicy chorizo, jalapeños, sweet red peppers with real Wisconsin mozzarella cheese and fiery sriracha tomato sauce.

On this balmy night with the sounds of natives echoing up from the nearby town, evocative scents, sights, and sounds permeate the air. I Am amused with Rollo's insertion of this limited edition Tombstone [DIABLO] Pizza into the infernal Hellmouth {oven} for tonight's repast, accompanied by a side of salad and cheesy croutons {pictured}.

Now, I do regularly add sriracha to most meals, and especially enjoy it on pizza pies, but this version promises sriracha added right in already, but added some anyway - I do enjoy My hot sauce, along with a topping of salad thereunto as well, making it "California style". Anyway, I found it to be pretty good, with the sriracha sauce cooked into the chorizo meat primarily {pork sausage}, with a subtle spice that creeps up on the taste buds. I would rate the spice level at a 1/5, so add more as desired. It somewhat alludes to Lucifer's Pizza, and the strategically placed cactus resembling a pitchfork at top center is a nice touch.

In the wake of the yearly emergence of Tombstone Halloween Pizzas, this makes a fitting addition - now perhaps a character that shall be added will be a Devil this year... ∞

Rating: 4/5.

Hellmouth Oven


Bonoble Choco Pie bars


Guest Review

Marshmallow Choco Pie (Bonoble)
By: Turbo Boy! (Michael David)

These tasty snacks are marshmallow inside cake, covered in chocolate! The chocolate outside is soft, yet flaky, like you would imagine latex paint would be if it were tasty chocolate. The cake is a chewy, spongy white cake, and the mallow is nice and stretchy. (Just be careful to avoid the wollup when trying to gross out your sister with it!) The wrapper is easy to open with nubby fingers, and the cakes are small enough to take adventuring. Which I like, because I go adventuring a lot!

The bad part is that they get hard to eat if they get all melty or flat. But they still taste good! When I eat them, I find they are gone too soon. But there's more in the box, so it's ok. Even with the bad points, they are still good to eat and share with friends. You should get them if you see them at the store! (But only if you like mallow, cake and chocolate.)

* Overall score: 4/5 Thumbs up!
* Pairs well with: Nanners, Tiki Punch.

Michael David
Michael David, A.K.A., "Turbo Boy".