Tags: film review


Star Wars meets Xena meets Wonder Woman


Princess WarriorA rather mediocre film fitting the "schlock" genre with gratuitous {though appreciated} nudity, attractive 'actresses', porno-grade acting, amusing discontinuities, and stock footage. But it looks like it may have been great fun making. Overall, the impression derived is that of a film class project, almost like a Chiodo Bros. feel. A film version of a "demo". Star Wars meets Xena meets Wonder Woman.

When the queen of a veritable 'paradise island' planet called Vulkaria lays dying, she chooses her younger daughter Ovule instead of the oldest Curette, due to her whoring ways, which causes deep contention, as sibling rivalry takes a lethal turn, prompting the princess to escape to earth through a teleportation pod {wherein riders have to be nude}. Her sister pursues her where they all emerge at a wetshirt contest. Of note, the pervasive misandry of Curette.

Ovule develops a relationship with generic "Bob", a preppie type. Some of the other ladies from Vulkaria eventually materialize themselves to earth, rescuing their new queen. Thus teleported back, they are to reign as King & Queen, and populate the planet. Now the only man, will have a hell of a time doing so!

The girls have a rock chick aesthetic, one "Exzema" with a very appealing Lita Ford appearance. The only thing that could have made this movie better is a rock / metal soundtrack. It's like the producers of Crue's Looks That Kill made a whole movie, presented in a rock video style. Fun for background with libations and salacious company. [2/5]

winged skull, vampire, predator



WWhereupon finding grimoire-like pages containing The Black Hymn {said to summon demons} within the sleeve of a record stolen from a musician living in an abandoned house, Zakk & Brodie, along with a couple of school chums {one of which reminds of Meatloaf} decide to form a Death Metal band. Somewhat reminiscent of Dethklok, Zakk, Brodie, Dion, & Giles name it DEATHGASM, eventually trying their talents to play The Black Hymn. But as they do, the dimensions begin to rift, everyone within earshot becomes possessed & zombified, amusingly including Brodie's fundamentalist uncle who was nagging him to stop playing that devil music. {who eventually suffers a most fitting demise!}

Brodie has an interest in a girl from school, who doesn't seem to know any better in pairing with his generic cousin, eventually wises up and gravitates towards Metal. Her listening experience is like becoming She-Ra for her! She eventually meets Zakk, but sleeping with the girl Brodie likes is pretty damned LOW. Fortunately, it does eventually work out for them.

Warlocks & Witches come to town seeking to benefit from Daemon Aeloth, "The Blind One"'s manifestation is more indicative of Occultists with a defined purpose for a certain result, in this case, somewhat reminiscent of Nancy Downes' indwelling by 'Manon' {The Craft}, the witch seeks to become possessed for omnipotence! But the last scene contains quite a twist!

The soundtrack features

Mark of the Pizzagram: Axeslasher / Realms: Beastwars / Deathgasm: Bulletbelt / Evil Like a Knife: Midnight / Hour to Live: Skull Fist / Looking Into the Abyss: Nunslaughter / Metal Is the Way: Elm Street / Retrospection: Ihsahn / Black Banshee: Bulletbelt / Heavy Metal Power: Elm Street / 8' Sativa / The Burning Shadows of Silence: Emperor / Alone: Pathology / The Infinite: Razorwyre / Desert Inferno: Razorwyre / Damn the Sky: Beastwars / Let's Kill These Motherfuckers: Lair of the Minotaur / Tyrant of the Mountain: The Wretched End / Bad for Good: Skull Fist

It was observed that this film is a virtual 'biography' of The Deathbangers! In some ways, this is true. I relate to Zakk most, with elements of Brodie. This reminded Me of Trick Or Treat with some Satanic Panic references like backward masking {called "Rob Halford style" referring to that Dream Deceivers {"dreceiver"?} courtcase}; while towards the end it really does start to resemble a Tenacious D "demon battle", whereas true 'disciples of darkness' call upon demonic forces as brothers & sisters & friends!*

* See The Satanic Bible, LaVey.


He Never Died

Despite how it is depicted on the ads, and the scars on his back, Cain is not an angel nor ever was. For those who don't know, he was the 1st murderer in the bible, who killed his brother Abel. For such, was condemned to roam the earth forever as the first erstwhile 'vampire'. He lives forever having to eat living meat from "sinners". At first, he had a medical student 'supplier' who provided him with fresh flesh, but when he's harassed, other more direct alternatives are necessary.

He has a daughter, and a waitress who's interested in him, but he has to keep his distance from pretty much every living human being because of his voracious appetite. But when his daughter is kidnapped by those wanting his secret of immortality, he plunges into the criminal underworld to retrieve her, dispatching all those who get in his way. Remarkable scenes include removing bullets from his body, and pulling out blades.

The only thing that seems to grant him solace is playing 'bingo' on holy ground in a church, distracting from both the monotony and the veritable sounds of Hell haunting his mind. He's followed around by a mysterious phantomesque man in black seemingly keeping an eye on his activities, making sure he lives out his condemnation as intended. It is never clearly revealed who he exactly is, but he's obviously either The Devil or The Angel of Death {Azræl}, who decides to take a worthy sacrifice in the end.


The Love Witch


A beautiful young witch also happens to be a femme fatale*. Seemingly, when chosen men do not meet her storybook expectations, she kills them. Slipping victims a concoction which first makes them hallucinate, then eventually die, but this after giving each one the show & carnal pleasure of their lives. Her victims range from her own husband, a teacher she met in a park resembling Kris Kristofferson {c. Shake Hands With The Devil; though not as hirsute as customary}, to a politician.

Unfortunately, she's not very thorough disposing of the bodies afterwards, leaving a shallow grave in the backyard, complete with her very own [burnt] clothing on top! Along with a witch bottle! {which she had also been supplying the local occult shoppe} Total self-incrimination. All of which traces an investigator back to her, who also becomes infatuated! Even going as far as an impromptu handfasting ceremony at a Renaissance Faire, populated by her witch friends!

Speaking of 'witch', when not galivanting about slaying one-night stand lovers, she hangs out in a brothel / bar / stripclub with hidden ritual chamber, run by the town's witches, and otherwise in a teahouse with her regular friend, whose husband she also slept with and killed. She does eventually discover this upon snooping about her room.

The rituals and ceremonies displayed herein display a combination neo-Pagan, Gardnerian appearance & 'skyclad' activities, inclusive of a framed Sabbatical Baphomet, and a pentacle ornamenting the wall. Her first induction included sex with the cult leader within the pentagram. Her own home is quite the Lair as well**, within an enchanting Manse befitting a Strega, her own paintings on the wall, alchemical apothecary to brew her potions, altar and pentagram base. As such, there are some indications of folkloric practices, notably the anointing for flight {astral projection}. At one point, a calling unto 'Habondia' {recognized from Mastering Witchcraft, Paul Huson}.

Overall, perhaps she should have found herself a proper complementary Warlock for love, instead of preying on unworthy muggles, who are mere toys. Beautiful Gothic Victorian aesthetics, gorgeous actresses, delightful nudity, inspiring, inviting environments, in a 60's/70's style setting in which to pleasantly reside.*** [4/5] ∞

* Unlike the black widow, who murders husbands for money, likened Addams Family Values' Debbie Jellinsky.
** Bair Stokes House. Arcata, CA.
*** Yet at one point I did notice a cellphone pulled out for a call, which leads Me to ponder that maybe this all actually takes place in a total environment city! Although in such a case that would have been a faux pas, with such themed environs with strict modes of conduct, accoutrement, and dress.


Growl, snort, snarl, howl, roar!


Max has a wild hair, & escapes the boredom of common existence. Even though he has an 'older' sister, he seems like an only child, her concerns are superficial and only ends up taunting his imaginative eccentricities if anything, along with her common friends, not comprehending or resonant.

Fully encapsulates the 7th Statement. Thus Max goes about exercising his imagination to the furthest extent. Whereupon after expending mass amounts of energy playing, in his wolf suit no less, inclusive of, in a veritable lycanthropic state, bites his mother, runs outside and falls asleep in a boat, and into a deep slumber whereupon then goes upon a grande dream adventure!

Awakening on an island where he meets several demonsters Carol, Ira, Judith, Alexander, Douglas, Bull, and KW {classic demonic variants}, who originally debated eating him, but become friends after declaring him their king on account of his proclaimed powers and promises of thriving under his rulership.

Rumpus & The Pile! He declares Rumpus! Everyone goes wilding about, swinging from trees, running through hedges, and eventually tossing dirtclods! All of which eventually ends in a pile, where exhausted, everyone sleeps. Eventually Carol shows Max his secret island diorama displaying everyone thereon, now including him!

Per his plans, a domelike castle structure is being constructed. However, by suggestions made by "KW", a rather troublesome creature, brings in 2 'outsider' owls and recommends he construct a private room just for him, both of which frustrates Carol, who already has anger & anxiety issues, whereupon he goes raging through the forest, as it begins to dawn on him that Max is not all that he claimed, is not fulfilling his kingly duties, and intends to eat him, but is saved by KW when she hides him in her belly.

Finally, upon Max's departure, Carol forgives him and sees him off at the last moment, mutually uttering a recognizable primal howl. He finally returns home to the relief and wonderment of his mom, and eats his fill.

Overall, a fun film with smooth kinematics, vast natural environments, inspiring a sense of play which should never be lost. I suspect he will return frequently to play with his newfound friends. Awooooooooo!

* Related: [Infernal Progeny book review]


Mansfield 6667


DOCumentary on Satanic Witch Jayne Mansfield's rise to stardom, on the hell heels of Mae West, with a primary focus on her involvement with LaVey & The Church of Satan. The proof is all there in photographic and documented evidence. Her impact on & the utilization of the feminine mystique which ran counterculture to homogenized enmasculated hippie variants - 2 sides of the same coin.*

Includes interviews with avant-garde filmaker Kenneth Anger {LaVey contemporary & friend}, Peaches christ {dragqueen entertainer}, Tippi Hedren {'The Birds' actress who adopted Togare into her Shambala preserve animal park sanctuary}, Mamie Van Doren {Mansfield contemporary & friend}, John Waters {makes a surprisingly ignorant, if not frightened, nervous statement about disbelieving her membership in The Church, stating the devil worship stereotype of animal sacrifice}; plus several other actors, artists.

Also includes many rare photographs of her posing with The Black Pope in her ritual chamber at her total environment Pink Palace, and the sacrifice Sam Brody who met his justified doom, plus elucidating clips from Satanis, which speak for themselves and balances our philosophical perspective.

Of major contention, it is reiterated that The Curse was placed upon the disrespectful, abusive Brody, a lout, boor, and boozehound, who was blackmailing Jayne to stay with him, censoring her comments, while she was repeatedly warned to stay away from him on ground zero. Even the event of the newsclipping is related.**

Chapter segments segue into artistic license dance pieces with dancers dressed in period 'costumes', with music & vocals of a rather dissonant nature; at one point including a devilish dancer with horn sculpted hair.

Of special note, a wonderful satanimation short illustrating LaVey's compassion ritual of Jayne's son Zoltan who was mauled at Jungleland Park in Thousand Oaks CA, performed atop a mountain under the moon, of which he fully recovered.

Satanic soulmates? LaVey & Mansfield complement eachother well. She, the sexy glamor girl, He, the Devil as a gentleman. Her persona unsuspectedly graced with a talent for the violin, learned in five languages: English, French, Spanish, German, and Italian, with an IQ of 163.

Overall, more often than not, the urban legends turn out to be true in this case, with some added minor [incorrect] details according to the personal notions of erstwhile antagonists. [4/5]

* as in the futile "let me combat your discrimination with my own", instead of individualism & consideration based on merit. Same goes for racism, religion, said gender, etc., which are all crutches of the weak.
** LaVey was clipping a news article on The Church for preservation in a scrapbook, while on the other side was a picture of Jayne he inadvertently cut through, across her neck!


The Champion

Once more, the primitive xian subculture attempts to replicate established secular franchises and add their own propaganda spin, in this holy-watered down Rocky.

Orlando Leone is a former professional boxer, preacher and hotel security guard. 3 antagonists herein:

1. 2 petty grubby drugpeddlers bullying a kid for their drugs and a firearm confiscated by police, while in the company of a rotten accomplice boy, both of whom were in the "employ" of the dregs as "lookouts" and thieves.*

Leone seeks to set him straight by introducing him to church, whereupon meeting his mother, a real looker, decides to get married, stat.

2. In an almost Cain vs Abel dynamic, his own brother, a boxing promoter who threatens to sell his church property if he doesn't fight another dimwit.

Funny thing is, they supposedly don't need an actual building to preach, but their own scriptures state that "service" can be held anywhere there are 2 or more people. But for some hypocritical reason, it just has to be that place! Thus {almost voluntarily} remaining being under the thumb of his oppressors.

He comes out of retirement but discovers he has brain damage from previous fights. Most all boxers develop permanent injuries and retardation. Despite warnings from the doctor, proceeds anyway.

A previous experience ignited this animosity upon breaking up a raucous party withe forthcoming opponent boxer in the hotel Leone was a security guard at.

3. The opponent "keshon". An obnoxious, wormlike, ill-tempered, low-intelligence loudmouth pugilist not as in shape as Leone.

Predictably, after being pummeled to the mat while "keshon" exploits his defective brain condition {even though instructed to take a fall}, Leone "resurrects" and finishes the match as victor.

Note the antagonists in these films tend to display pseudo-diabolical æsthetics & nomenclatures. Minimally, this character's head is shaved with a goatee, wears "hellfire" boxers, while the protagonist looks "normal" or common.

Leone's own mother is present, apparently quite content to watch her son get pounded into retardation or possible death.
* Legalize it, tax it, with the same rules applied with alcohol. Then let social darwinism sort 'em out!


HALLOWEEN Resurrection

Halloween Resurrection

Still stalking sister Laurie, Michæl manages to escape again and make his way to the sanitarium where she's housed, and despite her clever traps, plunges to her death into Hell to await him. After which he disappears.

One of the more interesting characters is one of the other residents obsessed with serial killers to the point where he goes about dressed like them, diligently knowing every little fact and trivia about their exploits, including Michæl. He is spared for "giving The Devil His due", as it were. Appreciation goes a long way.

Pretentious superficial promoters decide to sponsor a Halloween haunted house internet show wherein participants spend a night at the Meyers House, not knowing Michæl has been living under the house the whole time. Each equipped with bodycams, with footage style reminiscent of The Blair Witch Project.

I found it amusing that nomatter what a ridiculous loudmouth he is, he gets his regardless. To someone who acts like everything's a joke, the statement of realization "this is serious" comes as soberly fearful revelation. Michæl should have finished him off when he had the chance.

So when these victims arrive, the killing starts, picking off clueless sheeple one by one, all of whom happen to be college students.* A Halloween watch party is occurring at the same time, while everyone witnesses the shadowy massacre.

There's a wonderful underground labyrinth as well as spaces between the walls, a dungeon-like basement, not to mention the attic, all of where Michæl stealthily moves from room to room, picking off these unwanted pests, essentially, "cleaning house". He is especially fond of impalement. [3/5]

Evil never dies. It just gets stronger.

[Killcount: 10]
* including a girl named "Jen Danzig" resembling the seductive succubus demoness from the cover of Black Laden Crown.


🕯H A L L 🎃 W E E N🕯


HALLOWEENLIII: Michæl is stronger than ever and Laurie is more traumatized than ever as well, turning into a paranoid survivalist, now with attractive daughters to boot.

2 documentarian reporters visit her in her veritable traphouse rigged with all sorts of ambushes and fortifications, even paying a goodly sum for a minimal interview where nothing really new is divulged. They even went to visit Michæl in the asylum where he's kept in a 6' rectangular space out in the nicely tiled yard.

The bus Michæl was riding in gets wrecked, allowing him to escape, where he just so happens to come upon the journalists at a gastation, killing them both. In one particularly gruesome scene, he throws a handful of freshly torn teeth into the lady's stall, while the man's face and head is summarily smashed bloody against the wall! Of course, the mask used in an attempt to coax him into a reaction is collected, more detailed looking like Shatner, and even more resembling Mark Preston! {The Devil's Rain}

In timely fashion, it's Halloweenight, where he goes about gathering up his favorite weaponry for the final confrontation with his sister. Towards the end, Michæl gazes up like a little boy at his sister while he's engulfed in a carefully orchestrated inferno.

2 notable kills should be mentioned. 1st, a douchie cheeselard is impaled though the jaw on a gate, while another whiney runt is veritably pinned by a blade through the chest on a wall! It should also be noted that he doesn't hurt little ones, but rather entirely ignores them overall.

A questionable 'Dr. Sartain' replaces Dr. Loomis revealing his own deadly obsession with Michæl & Evil, in quite a warped twist. Though that is a nice pen! The pen wielded as a blade!

Enjoyed all the inferences here and there, such as the Shamrock Company 'mascots' jack o'lantern, skull, and witch as trick-or-treaters running around. Then the same kind of closet doors from the 1st film used while she's roaming the house trying to locate him. Plus the scene where he tosses her out the window only to disappear when he looks back after being momentarily distracted, just like he did in the 1st.

[Killcount: 18]