Satan is real. And Ozzy, Tenacious D, and Jack Nicholson are part of his theatre company.
by Nicole Rodgers and C. Bottomley
Yes, it's fast approaching June 6, 2006, and you know what that means. Evil walks among us. The number of the beast -- 666 - reached new prominence with 1976's The Omen, where it signified the antichrist ringing mankind's doorbell. With a new version of the movie set to bow on 6/6/06, we looked for signs of Satan in music and movies. And damn it all to hell, we sure enough found 'em.
Black Sabbath -- Black Sabbath
Four juvenile delinquents from England forge heavy metal from thunderous sound effects, Ozzy Osbourne's spiritual crisis, and a guitar made of brimstone.
The Satanic Verses: Big black shape with eyes of fire/ Telling people their desire/ Satan's sitting there, he's smiling/ Watch those flames get higher and higher.
The Rolling Stones -- Sympathy for the Devil
World War II? John F. Kennedy's assassination? A man of "wealth and taste," Satan is happy to claim the victories of several earth-shaking deeds, and as the Stones' rhythmic ardor builds and Mick's voice increases its boastful sneer, the evil becomes palpable.
The Satanic Verses: Just as every cop is a criminal/ And all the sinners saints/ As heads is tails/ Just call me Lucifer/ cause I'm in need of some restraint.
Charlie Daniels -- The Devil Went Down to Georgia
The dude with the pointy tail challenges a bumpkin to a fiddle duel. But he picked the wrong redneck to f*ck with.
The Satanic Verses: Then he pulled the bow across the strings/ And it made a evil hiss/ And a band of demons joined in/ And it sounded something like this ...
Iron Maiden -- The Number of the Beast
Bruce Dickinson is a human air raid siren stumbling on a black mass. He's determined to raise the alarm on the Satanic shenanigans, but doesn't reckon on being challenged by mind control ...
The Satanic Verses: Six, six, six! The number of the beast!/ Hell and fire was spawned to be released!
The Misfits -- Devil's Whorehouse
Amid a Gothic punk racket, Glenn Danzig's metal meatheads describe the pleasures of a bordello that offers rooms by the hour followed by midnight mass.
The Satanic Verses: Come on up to the devil's whorehouse/ Intimate hell of a demon slut.
Brian Eno & David Byrne -- The Jezebel Spirit
On their experimental My Life in the Bush of Ghosts, the pop eggheads splice a recording of a real exorcism with a squelchy rhythm that gave birth to the term "mutant funk." Creepy!
The Satanic Verses: You have a Jezebel spirit within you/ You have a spirit of grief/ You have a spirit of destruction.
THE DEVIL IN THEM
Dave Grohl in Tenacious D's "Tribute" video (2002)
Horned, hooved and flaming, Mr. Foo Fighter demands the duo play the best song in the world or he'll eat their souls. He also gets a few good licks in on his fiery six-string.
Mephistophelian Madness: Sulks back off to the underworld. Everybody knows Tenacious D have the best tunes.
Elizabeth Hurley in Bedazzled (2000)
A devil in a red dress and the original naughty schoolgirl in a red plaid miniskirt. If a shorter hemline comes along, she'll change into that. But underneath, this she-devil is just a pitchfork-wielding sex kitten.
Mephistophelian Madness: Grants the wishes of besotted sad sack Brendan Fraser while writing up IOUs. Can set a drink on fire, yet lights her cigarettes with an ordinary Bic. Lame.
Matt Stone in South Park (1997-present)
The Comedy Central show's Satan is hulking, steroidal, and given to an occasional solo singing performance: In "Up There," he longs for a life "Where babies burp and flowers bloom."
Mephistophelian Madness: He excels at kicking Jesus' butt on pay-per-view battles and playing hide the salami with Saddam Hussein, though he misses the days when they "just talked."
Jack Nicholson in The Witches of Eastwick (1987)
Your average horny little devil, the crazy-eyed, wild-haired Daryl Van Horne is God's gift to women. Beware the sweet talk, girls; it comes from a dark, dark place.
Mephistophelian Madness: Payback to the witches (including Cher) who've wronged him. The dues come in many forms, including compound fractures and cherry-flavored projectile vomiting.
Robert De Niro in Angel Heart (1987)
Tailored, articulate and in dire need of a manicure, Louis Cyphre is like a Howard Hughes-ian mob boss. And that name: Lou Cyphre? Lucifer? Get it? That's Hellish wordplay right there.
Mephistophelian Madness: Gets private dick Mickey Rourke to do his killing so the blood doesn't get under his nails.
George Burns in Oh, God! You Devil (1984)
Harry O. Tophet is a classy devil -- half Rat Pack crooner, half Boca Raton retiree. Combines thick glasses and cigars with glowing red eyes and dancing shoes. Bears strong resemblance to golf-loving God.
Mephistophelian Madness: With Harry, it's the little things: Turning escargots back into snails, making schlocky singer Ted Wass into a superstar, and lighting cigars with his thumb.
Obviously, there are so much more of this type of entertainment fare which could have been listed, as amusing as they may be. For actual Satanic recommendations, view the Satanic Source Sheet.