May 17th, 2015


Phred Phoenix


Phred was the Cockatiel familiar to a witch who passed through the flames into the great abyss. She would call him "pretty boy", and he knew it as he warbled pleasantly. In fact, one of his favorite possessions was his mirror. An alpha male, he lived well beyond a typical frame for his species, which became an amusingly gratifying and even inspirational conundrum, thus earning the title 'Phoenix'. She also endearingly referred to him as "Thunder Chicken".

He was named "Phred" for Shadoe Stevens' character "Fred Rated" on Federated Group commercials. Seems he would become very excited when they came on, at a time when names were being considered, applied with a distinctive spelling.

Another incident which made him quite notable was a penchant for devouring his partner's eggs who occupied 'HIS' cage in order so that he could continue mating. In consequence, he remained a solitary avian and he liked it that way. As a matter of fact, any 'intrusion' into his domain to just replace food and water, was always met with caution, and a high probability of being pecked unless he really trusted you, but even then there was a question.

He is also known to whistle the themes for Alfred Hitchcock Presents, and The Andy Griffith Show, but a foray outside his cage once in which the great escape was thwarted by an encounter with a highly transparent window, causing a minor modification in speech pattern. It was later discovered that Ministry's Everyday Is Halloween song made him chirp in perpetuity.

Apparently being part ham, he was immortalized in an interview for Radio Free Satan's Darkest Ends, wherein he can be heard from time to time in the background, which required a brief profile description about him.

A Hellion to be sure, with thine crown of flame, driven by the lust for life with talons at the ready, did ye rise from the depths to soar the thunderous skies. ∞

- XV-L A.S. -
- Fan the flames of Hell from whence you came -

* Reverberation in wake of Obsequies on 5/23, accompanied by whirling sensation during rite {3.3/3+3=6/3x3=9: BELIAL/SATAN 🔯}

Devil, incubus, gentleman, martini, scoundrel

"Gospel in a nutshell"...

The Gospel according to Hypo-Tater-mus

I can pray to potato?Latest addition to the Book of Blindlight propaganda. At least it could come with an actual peanut attached. Reminds Me of My order for Satanic Panic fest America's Best Kept Secret: A Look At Modern Day Satanism VHS which came complete with a bag of popcorn. But this is by far the cheapest, minimal effort tract I have yet witnessed, with a front cover drawing of something that looks like perhaps a toddler might scribble, with the ubiquitous John 3:16 on the back, and that's it.

What about the 'drawing'? A sandy footprint? An amoeba? A brown pickle? A dried up potato? A rotten banana? Feculence? If you turn it sideways, it sort of resembles a ghost that was in a tommy gun shootout. Yet it seems appropriate after all, and even the title is ironic in itself. Made for peanuts for nuts, taking the short bus to heaven. It's like an Everything Is Terrible video collage. If this type of thing actually 'converts' someone towards their 'cause', then good riddance.

Printed out by an outfit called The Free Tract Society. They sure have nothing on those hellarious Chick tracts, which tend to at least have some amusing diabolical illustrations to accompany the absurd lurid stories, which is the attraction about them. ∞

Potato Jesus Approves!
Potato Jesus Approves!