May 5th, 2005

Knight

Hellboy

Hellboy
{XXXIX A.S., Directed by Guillermo Del Toro, Starring Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, John Hurt, Karel Roden}

Commissioned by the Nazis, a bald Rasputin conducts a ritual in 1944 to summon a Daemon God into the world of mortals, but too much goes awry during the invocation due to the meddling of a Professor Bloom, yet the portal was open for far too long and a baby demon comes through, which is subsequelty raised by Bloom to become the unlikely crime-fighting, cigar-smoking, weight-lifting hero known as "Hellboy" {Ron Perlman}, who now must face the hell-hound-like denizens of the infernal regions. This character is added to the ungateful lot the likes of Nick Knight, Blade, and Dracula's son from Castlevania, who deny their origins and are at odds with their own natural darksides. Hellboy becomes the 'muscle' for a parapsycholical organization named "The Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense", aided by a clairvoyant humanoid amphibian {"Abe Sapien"} and X-Files-like agents. He actually files his magnificent black horns resembling Lord Darkness' from Legend, down into ugly stumps that end up looking like goggles, in order to fit in with the group.

While the BPRD attempt to contain the firey talents of a Delia-like character named 'Liz' {Selma Blair}, who herself is quite a pyromantic hellion, she and Hellboy become mutually infatuated {despite the ingracious amorous advances of a fellow agent of Hellboy's}, which seems a perfect match, considering Hellboy happens to be inflammable, making for a very romantic spectacle when they embrace within a plume of blue flame.

Rasputin was drawn into the portal, and with the help of a striking Russian female cohort, and an impressive zombie-like character in a Nazi uniform wielding a blade in each hand, returns empowered as an anthropomorphic synthesis of Sammael, with the aid of the 'children of Nergal', to prepare the path for the nefarious inheretors of the planet. In a marvellous concluding scene, one gets to briefly see Hellboy in his potentially demonic splendor, inclusive of a crown of fire, before confronting Behemoth, a magnificent Cthulhu-like creature. Seems like 'somebody' has been selecting choice Infernal Names from The Satanic Bible!

The aesthetics are enjoyable, the plot intriguing, and the characters remarkable, although the Demoralization Process is present, but can be overlooked for the film's better qualities.

Rating: 4/5.



Amusing selected quotes from Hellboy:

Hellboy: Didn't I kill you already?

about his Rubik's Cube
Abe Sapien: Listen, I'm not much of a problem solver. Three decades... and I've only completed two sides.

about Sammael
Hellboy: Cut to the end, will ya? How do I kill it?
Abe Sapien: Hmm, doesn't say.

Abe Sapien: Remind me why I do this again.
Hellboy: Rotten eggs and the safety of mankind.
Abe Sapien: Ah!

Tom Manning: Let me tell you - let me tell you something about the Bureau of...
Television Host: Paranormal Research and Defense.
Tom Manning: ...of Paranormal Research and Defense: there is no such thing.
cut to BPRD headquarters in New Jersey

spying on Liz and Myers
Hellboy: she took his picture. DAMN. She took his picture. She took his picture.

talking to Liz, re: his appearance
Hellboy: I wish I could do something about this. But I can't. But I can promise you two things. One: I'll always look this good.
Liz laughs
Hellboy: Two: I'll never give up on you... ever.
Liz Sherman: I like that.
Hellboy: Good.

Hellboy grabs Sammael's tongue
Hellboy: Second date, no tongue!

communicating on radio
Liz Sherman: Sparky to Big Red...
Hellboy: Sparky? Who came up with that? Myers?

Hellboy is going back to confront Behemoth
John Myers: Are you going to be... okay? Alone?
Hellboy: How big can it be?
a tentacle grabs Hellboy and pulls him back

Liz Sherman: Red, white, whatever. Guys are all the same.

Tom Manning: Have you found them yet?
Hellboy: I got 'em right below me. Matter of minutes.
Tom Manning: Okay, good. Could you hurry up, because it's a... it's a little spooky in here.

to John as she ignites her powers

Grigori Rasputin: He disclosed to me the child's true name. Would you like to know it?
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: I already know what to call him. I call him "son".

Sgt. Whitman: You're wasting our time, there's nothing on this island but sheep and rocks!
Moments later the soldiers find a large Nazi encampment in the ruins
Young 'Broom': They must be here for the sheep.

about to die, to Grigori
Ilsa: Hell will hold no surprises for us.

after punching through a brick wall

Hellboy: I'm fireproof, you're not.

Hellboy breaks through a wall and sees Liz has returned to the B.P.R.D. with John
Hellboy: Liz?
Liz Sherman: Some things never change
Hellboy: LIZ!
Liz walks away, leaving John
Hellboy: You did it buddy! You DID IT!
John walks away, leaving Hellboy
Hellboy: Myers? Pop?

Hellboy and Sammael fall through a vent
Hellboy: YOU DAMNED MONSTER!
Hellboy punches him

Nearby Phone rings as Hellboy fights Sammael
Hellboy: IT'S FOR YOU!
Hellboy hits Sammuel with the phone

Hellboy pummels Sammael
Hellboy: Hurts, doesn't it? You shouldn't hurt PEOPLE!

Hellboy: Hey Myers, you're a talker. What's a good word, a solid word for "need"?
John Myers: Well, "need" is a good, solid word.
Hellboy: Nah. Too needy.

Liz Sherman: In the dark I heard your voice, what did you say?
Hellboy: I said, "Hey, you on the other side. Let her Go. Cause for her, I'll cross over, and when that happens you'll be sorry."

repeated line
Hellboy: Aw, crap.

Holding his stone hand up to a moving car
Hellboy: Red means stop!
Punches the car into the air

carrying the torso of a re-animated corpse over his shoulder
in Russian
to agent

holding a corpse by a noose over his shoulder
Hellboy: This is Ivan Klimatovich. Say hi, Ivan.
in Russian

Hellboy: Look, Sammy, I'm not a very good shot...
holds up his huge revolver
Hellboy: ...but the Samaritan here uses really big bullets.

Hellboy: I'm gonna be sore in the morning!

to Manning while handling a piece of evidence ungloved

Hellboy: What landed you this job, pushing "pamcakes"?

as Hellboy tries to board a train in pursuit of a monster, the driver beats him in the head with a fire extinguisher
Hellboy: OW! HEY! I'm on your side!
hits Hellboy again

Hellboy: You killed my father, your ass is mine!

John Myers: Did you ever lose track of him?
Hellboy: Well let's see - there was that moment, when I had the train on top of my head...

Hellboy: Hey! Stinky!

Hellboy: Mmmm... nachos!

last words
in Russian

Abe Sapien: If there's trouble, all us freaks have is each other.

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: In the absence of light, darkness prevails. There are things that go bump in the night, Agent Myers. Make no mistake about that. And we are the ones who bump back.

while stitching up Hellboy's shoulder
Hellboy: I don't know? About 5 seconds?
pulls three eggs out of his shoulder
Hellboy: Didn't even buy me a drink!

as Hellboy walks away from Sammael's corpse
Hellboy: Nah, he's taken care of.
Abe Sapien: No, listen to this. Sammael, the Desolate One, Lord of the Shadows, Son of Nergal...
Hellboy starts to make "blah blah" motions with his hand
Abe Sapien: ...hound of resurrection.
stops
Abe Sapien: What? Hound of resurrection?
turns around; Sammael is gone

John Myers: What makes a man a man? A friend of mine once asked. It's the choices he makes. Not how he starts things, but how he finishes them.

Sgt. Whitman: Look at the size of that whammer!

Hellboy: Outside. I could be outside.
Abe Sapien: You mean, outside with her.
Hellboy: Don't get psychic with me, fella.
Abe Sapien: Nothing psychic about it. You're easy.
Hellboy: How am I gonna get a girl? I drive around in a garbage truck.
Abe Sapien: Liz left us, Red. Take the hint.
picks up his gun

Agent Clay: Seal the doors. Red and Blue are coming in.

after probing the sealed door
sighs

John Myers: Hey, no one goes with him? Jesus.
Abe Sapien: No. He likes it that way. The whole "lonely hero" thing.

while Sammael is eating

after spotting Sammael in railway tunnel

breaks Sammael's lower jaw

examining Kroenen's corpse
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: Subject, Karl Ruprecht Kroenen. Born in Munich, 1897. Suffered from a masochistic compulsion commonly known as "surgical addiction". Both eyelids surgically removed, along with his upper and lower lip, making speech impossible. The blood in his veins dried up decades ago. Only dust remains.
he removes a revolving key from Kroenen's heart
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: Four broken vertebrae. A steel rod inserted into his pelvis kept him upright... what horrible will could keep such a creature as this alive?

Broom opens a box full of rosaries
Young 'Broom': Your men, they'll need these.
sniggers
Young 'Broom': Yes, among other things. But that's hardly the point.
locks and loads a pistol

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: A 16-century statue was destroyed. Saint Dionysius the Areopagite.
Hellboy: Who wards off demons.
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: The statue, however, was hollow.
Hellboy: A reliquary?
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: A prison. The Vatican thought its occupant dangerous enough to include it on the list of Avignon, of which, by the way, we hold a copy.
Hellboy holds up a speed-loader of giant glass bullets
Hellboy: Perfect job for these babies. Made 'em myself. Holy water, clover leaf, silver shavings, white oak... the works.

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: 1937: Hitler joins the Thule Society, a group of German aristocrats obsessed with the occult. In 1938, he acquired the spear of Longinus, which pierced the side of Christ. He who holds it becomes invincible. Hitler's power increases tenfold. 1943: President Roosevelt decides to fight back. The Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense is born. 1958: the Occult Wars finally come to an end with the death of Adolf Hitler.
John Myers: 1945, you mean. Hitler died in '45.
amused

in a large cemetery, searching for Rasputin's mausoleum
Tom Manning: Where are you going?
Hellboy: To ask for directions.
opens an amulet
Hellboy: Come on, find me a talker...

as Ilsa pours out salt from the reliquary inside the statue
Grigori Rasputin: Salt, gathered from the tears of a thousand angels, restraining the essence of Sammael, the Hellhound. The Seed of Destruction. This I can promise, Sammael, for every one of you that falls, two shall arise.

Kid on Rooftop: Just go down there and tell her how you feel.
Hellboy is silent
Kid on Rooftop: My mom always says...
Hellboy: It's not... it's not that easy. Plus, you're nine. You're not old enough to be giving me advice.

Clay examines his new hair implants
Agent Clay: This doesn't really look like doll's hair! Be honest, what do you think, Red?
Hellboy: I'm thinking about doing it myself.

on TV, Manning is confronted with the latest picture of Hellboy
Tom Manning: I have a question. Why is it, in these pictures, pictures of aliens, UFOs, the yeti, Hellboy, why is it they're always out of focus?
Audience laughs

Agent Clay: So you met the fish guy, right?
John Myers: Oh, yeah. That was weird.
unimpressed

to Hellboy, when she realizes that she and Myers are trapped with several Sammaels

hears the alarm in his room, to Myers

Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: Unique. That is a word you will hear frequently around here.

Hellboy: I hate those comic books. They never get the eyes right.

John Myers: My uncle used to say that we like people for their qualities but we love them for their defects.

referring to stinger from Sammael's tongue on Hellboy's arm
hands stinger to Myers

Tom Manning: How many escapes already this year? Five?
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: He's our guest, not a prisoner!
Tom Manning: Yeah, but your guest is bright red, 6-foot-5 and government funded.

Abe Sapien: You've been burned by some kind of organic acid.
Hellboy: I'm lucky that way.

Tom Manning: How many escapes already this year? Five?
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: He's our guest, Tom, not a prisoner!
Tom Manning: Yeah, but your guest is bright red, 6-foot-5 has a tail and is government funded.

upon seeing cockroaches leaving the cistern he's about to enter

first lines
Professor Trevor 'Broom' Bruttenholm: What is it that makes a man a man? Is it his origins, the way things start. Or is it something else, something harder to describe? For me it all began in 1944, classified mission off the coast of Scotland. The Nazis were desperate. Combining science and black magic they intended to upset the balance of the war. I was 28, already a paranormal advisor to President Roosevelt. I could never have suspected that what would transpire that night would not only effect the course of history but change my life forever.
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