By Lorenzo P. Niñal
To make life better for our inmates, let’s hunt down all the black cats in our jails. Killing the object of our superstition is better than killing the superstition itself. Superstition is necessary to explain a life that is beyond our ability to comprehend. Executing black cats is in fact indulging in a superstition that could be the key to a more humane prison.
In poor countries like ours, superstition can be the last hold to sanity. Like religion, superstition keeps people humanly alive without losing sight of a world other than the cruel one they have now. Life is so bad here there must be another one out there.
The strange things that are happening inside our jails can’t be dismissed as superstitious rubbish, because that would be underestimating superstition’s power to give meaning (or at least excitement) to life behind bars.
That’s why we believe in tales like the one about an inmate who wakes up one day to discover his face distorted, and about another who wakes up to discover his head stuck in between iron bars of his jail cell. These stories tell of inmates falling ill or dying under mysterious circumstances.
But how were they possible? The inmates were healthy before tragedy struck them, our doctors swear. Nobody dies just like that, especially an inmate, who can be tough and stubborn in his will to live a free man again one day. Medicine offers us no reliable explanation.
But somebody has to take the blame. Surely, we can’t be guilty because we‘re doing everything to improve conditions in jail. We‘ve built modern and better-equipped facilities for our prisoners and moved them to a place where there is silence and fresh air. We even have plans to supplement the inmates’ diet with vitamins.
It must be the black cat. This is the same cat that ancient Eygptians worshipped as god before it was outlawed when Christians marched into pagan lands.
This is the same cat that was burned at the stake along with witches and heretics during the Middle Ages. This is the same cat that sailors’ wives keep at home to ensure their husbands’ safety at sea.
Beware if this nocturnal animal crosses your path with its eyes blazing because you‘ll drop dead so quick you have no time to cry momma. If it spares you, it means it sees you as a co-worker in Satan’s vineyard. Imagine this cat!
But this cat is so dumb as to be caught on security camera scavenging for leftover food inside jail premises at midnight. Thanks to its ignorance about modern technology, we now have a clue to its identity and hunting the feline down is not much of a problem.
After we killed the devil, our inmates can again laze around the ordinariness of life in prison until the next black cat drops by for another round of entertainment.
Stuporstitious destructive organisms gaining cheap thrills against those who are better than they are. They themselves should be tortured and executed. Loose the dregs upon themselves for the amusement of citizens. Bring back the Circus Maximus!
"Do not kill non-human animals unless attacked or for your food." - 10th Satanic Rule of The Earth, LaVey.