Rev. Warlock DRACONIS BLACKTHORNE (dblackthorne) wrote,

LA Pizza

Location: LA Pizza.
Method: Delivery.
Items: 2 LARGE 14" Pizzas. [Toppings: 1 Pineapple, 1 Bacon].
Service: A+

LA PizzaThe night of February 3rd was a particularly pleasant cold one, and the thought of enjoying a nice, large pizza pie sounded quite appetizing, so it was decided to try this place. The delivery man arrived quickly, and was completely amiable, though after taking a quick glance at the surroundings, was apparently suddenly eager to depart.

Aesthetically, the presentation is about what one would expect from a common establishment - after all, this is no Lucifer's Pizza, but expectedly delicious as a favorite dish accompanied by favored entertainment fare. The logo looks like Pacman consuming two slices, and otherwise two Star Destroyers merging into one mother ship with the others, resembling one large saucer.

The pizzas were arranged into 1/2 toppings, to create that tropical "puaka balava"* effect {appropriately accompanied with Tiki punch & torches}.

The meal was customarily consecrated to Satan, which became amusingly ironic considering that a short time afterwards a numerical scriptural reference was spotted on the box, which prompted a quick inspection. After the smoke and haze cleared, the following was revealed:

"And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers." Acts 2:42 [kjv]

Irrelevant and in decidedly poor 'taste' of course, but what one comes to expect from petty christian 'acts' after all, and being a 'snackrifice' as it were, we'll just consider that flesh. It was mused that maybe Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses could go into business with certain restaurants using the soulicitor gimmick {complete with typical uniforms} to dispense with propaganda. Something like "Holy Pizza" or some such. Perhaps even a "Halloween Pizza", where employees & delivery guys wear alternating costumes, would be fun and novel.

Of course, this is reminiscent of In 'N' Out Burger's hidden inclusions on their containers that is routinely overlooked for the quality of the food - in fact, moreso do not even know about it now, nor even care.

Adding to the charm, the initial ad contains several amusing misspellings, such as "spaicy" {spicy}, "rosted" {roasted}, "chiplotte" {chipotle}, & "2 litter soda" {liter}. Either someone was drunk, stupid, and/or English is not their primary language - at least be relatively fluent & literate in the language of the country one is occupying, please. ∞

Overall: B+ [4/5] {Degraded one point for extraneous scriptural reference}.


The Secret Life of A Satanist* "One seminar on "Cannibalism and Human Sacrifice" covered the subject in more than just words. Students were invited to partake of a cooked thigh of a young white woman.The leg had been biopsied and provided by a Berkeley physician who attended Anton's lectures regularly. Diane basted the main course of puaka balava, "long pig", in Triple Sec, fruit juices and Grenadine. She served it with fried bananas and yams, just as the Fiji Islanders did, adding Tonka bean wine and caterpillars to round out the meal. The meat was described as tasting somewhere between pork and lamb, with a consistency rather fibrous like pork chops, but sweeter, and not quite as tender or salty as lamb. The diners exhibited little squeamishness except when it came to eating the caterpillars. But the LaVey's three-year old daughter, Zeena, finished them with enthusiasm."

- Source: The Secret Life of A Satanist, Blanche Barton.

Tags: anti-xian, antichrist, antixian, anton lavey, anton szandor lavey, black earth, blanche barton, blindlighters, christinsanity, comedy, dining, dracumentary, food, fundamentalism, halloween, humor, in 'n' out, loki's laughter, lucifer, restaurant, restaurants, review, snackrifice, urban legends

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